Wrestling could be the new math

Starting summer quarter of 2009, Bellevue Community College will be expanding its campus, and expanding its selection of athletic courses. From professional wrestling to bowling, there’s sure to be something for everyone.

Questions have been raised about where money would come from during a time of budget cuts and layoffs. It is widely believed that the college has received a federal bailout for giving bad mortgage loans. However, Bubba Stone, head of the Athletics Department, has vehemently denied all such rumors.

“We just felt it was time to expand,” said Stone. “Here at BCC, we like to offer unique opportunities that the student can’t find anywhere else.”

These are unique opportunities indeed. In Professional Wrestling (WWE101), students will learn the basics of becoming a professional wrestler. With weekly guest teachers, including former wrestlers Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Macho Man Randy Savage, students will learn the art of taking a bump, delivering suplexes, and how to look intimidating while walking to the squared circle. There is a 100 dollar equipment fee, which is to pay for steel chairs, tables, and other wrestling props. Customized spandex attire is not included.

A new building previously rumored as a center for campus clubs has been revealed as a bowling alley. Although this doesn’t necessarily mean the college will have a bowling team, it does provide a location for next quarter’s Beginner’s Bowling (BOWL100), Intermediate Bowling (BOWL200), and Advanced Bowling (BOWL300) courses.

Construction has finally ended on the newly christened “Bubba Stone Field”, located adjacent to BCC’s current Courter Field. Although not nearly as big as Courter Field, it was much more expensive to build than Courter, as they had to purchase land rights and housing around it.

The purpose?

Lawn Putt Putt Mini Golf.

“We not only invented a new twist on an American classic, but we hope to create a new sport for the Northwest Athletic Organization of Community Colleges (NAOCC),” said Stone.

“They haven’t returned my calls yet, but you bet I’m going to keep trying.”

In the meantime, Bubba Stone Field will be the home to the new Lawn Putt Putt Mini Golf course (WHY202) being offered in the summer quarter. Bubba was not available for comment on rumors that he originally tried to instigate a $1,000 equipment fee to justify purchasing golf carts for the field.

On the other end of the spectrum, you’ll be able to take Competitive Videogaming (LOL420). Some parents have already expressed concern that they aren’t sure this is truly an athletic course, but once again, Stone disagrees.

“The kids going to college these days are of the digital generation, and by offering physical activities more suited to their physical condition, we’re keeping up with the times.”

Also available for the lazy and unmotivated, there will be the new Texas Hold ’Em class (10JKQA). Although it won’t be for real money, Stone originally proposed a credit-based gambling system for the class.

“You’ve got to  know when you hold ‘em, and know when to fold ‘em,” said Stone.

“So I proposed for the class finals, students select ten credits they’ve earned here at BCC, and put those on the line in some way.”

Needless to say, Stone’s dreams were crushed by a chorus of ASG laughs.

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