The hairy conundrum


Written by: Adam Magnoni
As a young boy the whole ideology threw my young mind into a suplex. It was a natural accessory that (depending on the year and current trends) roughly half the male population embraced or daily took blade-to-skin in order to eradicate. My little Keds steadily walked the line right down the middle, half of me enjoying what was my current creamy-smooth, though transient, state and the other half only longing to run my fingers through the thick glory that is a beard. (Oh, and moustache.) It is a thing that I myself have been contemplating often these days as I have just begun to get the thickness, fullness of the facially-oriented pubic hair that can even be seated in the same ballpark of a true beard. I do not claim that I can belay the shaving routine and become homage to the legendary Grizzly Adams but I do find myself having to shave daily for the first time in my life. While lathering and mowing the landscape of my own front yard, I contemplate the duality of a beard’s life. Can the beard make the man, or does the man make his God given shrubbery what it is? A popular radio personality that I listen to does a bit called Rich Man, Poor Man. It is really just a list that includes things that the very rich and very poor have in common. Things like outdoor showering, owning more than four pets and having alcohol for breakfast. Not all that funny, but I think that beards fall into this category. A poor man probably doesn’t have the time and or resources to keep up with his personal grooming. Conversely, time and resources are all the rich man has, thus donning a well groomed and oiled tuft. If you fall into either of these categories, then your beard is set free like a traditional English garden, letting nature do as she pleases or it’s a well thought out and maintained face-coat. Both may bear testament to who you are. Before we get to the everyday man’s beard let me spend a moment, and really half a moment too long as far as I am concerned, with the female beard. This specific beard, popularized by the depression-era circus circuit, falls under the

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