It’s a cold, wet March morning, but Magnus ver Magnusson is sweating as he removes the last debris from around the artifact and lifts it carefully from the surrounding earth.
“Ah, yes, what a beauty!” The pride and sense of accomplishment battles with the sense of wonder in his face as his students carefully put the artifact into a protective box, to be sent directly to the Anthropology department at Bellevue Community College for detailed analysis.
He relaxes, sits on one of the fallen standing stones, and sighs.
“All in a day’s work, right? Pulling history out of the shrubbery. These are the moments I live for,” he said, and took a great swig from his half-decaf vanilla nut latte. “I never want to do anything else.”
This scene took place, not in a far off desert land, but right here at the college, in front of the R building last week, as students and faculty began excavation on Magnusson’s exciting new discovery. If his theories are confirmed, they will overturn our understanding of the histories and interactions of early peoples around the globe.
Magnusson is a fully tenured instructor in the college’s Anthropology department. He has taught at BCC since 1975. Currently, he is teaching Cultural Archeology and Nordic Linguistics.
Magnusson made his groundbreaking discovery one morning last fall, as he was leaving the gym after his morning workout. As he paused to adjust his anorak, he noticed, for the first time, odd shapes in the woods. The intrepid Magnusson leapt to investigate, and found a fallen set of standing stones, overgrown with shrubbery.
Immediately, he called campus services and demanded that they haul the giant stones into the open for closer examination. After the great columns had been hauled into the open, Magnusson meticulously examined them for clues to their origin.
Most people would have mistakenly assumed that the stones were tholeiitic basalt columns, formed as lava flooded deeply across the landscape and slowly cooled. Most people would have assumed that, but not Magnusson.
He recognised that the standing stones could only mean one thing: Vikings!
“The stones were carefully shaped to appear natural in their setting. That, and the complete lack of markings of any kind, immediately told me this had to be Norse,” Magnusson expostulated. “But, the Norse people lived thousands of miles from here. Only one kind of Norseman or -woman ranged so far away from their homeland – a Viking!”
He knew that others would want to see more proof than that. He decided to take direct action. “I would come out here at night, working by flashlight, to secretly prove the thought that I dared not whisper, for fear of the laughter of my peers. Finally, I had the proof I needed to show that Vikings landed on the shore of Lake Washington, one thousand years ago!” he expounded.
Against all odds, Magnusson had found some of the best preserved examples of Viking weaponry from the period, thousands of miles from where they had ever before been found. “I found a beautiful Viking battle club,” he exclaimed, bringing out his treasure to show me.
It was beautifully preserved, hardly showing the centuries it had been buried in the cedar bark. How had it been so well succored against the ravages of time? “Cedar bark is the perfect preservative – very little will grow in it,” he imperiously dismissed.
Armed with the battle club, he immediately went to show his doubting fellow professors the proof of what he had feared to tell them for fear of the mockery it would bring him. Having secured the support and admiration of his peers, he emerged into the light of day into his classroom and recruited the entire class to continue the excavation of the precious cargo of Time.
What had passed before was as nothing to the wonder about to unfold before Magnusson’s very eyes. He and his class soon found the finest examples to date of the little-known secret weapon of the Vikings: the Viking throwing star.
“The Viking throwing star was modeled after Ninja weapons,” extolled noted combat specialist Douglas Sarine. “The Vikings came in contact with many cultures, and when they saw a better way to put holes in people, they copied it.”
When asked where the remains of the ship that carried Vikings was, Magnusson mocked, “You know nothing of these matters. Vikings always burned their ships when arriving on a new shore to conquer. This showed their enemies that they would die before leaving the land they come to conquer.”
Where did the Vikings go? Did they die, or settle with the Native Americans? Magnusson suggests that perhaps the Poulsbo settlement is far older than conventional authorities have suspected (or will admit). He shall lead an expedition to the Kitsap Peninsula next fall to uncover the truth of the matter that may unfold to give us a new tomorrow of possibilities.
The Anthropology department is still looking for volunteers to help excavate this exciting new find. Call 425-564-2435 or email email@example.com for more information.