Don’t get me wrong, I totally dig me some fruitcake

By Elizabeth Ballinger.
A girl gets pregnant in a Jewish community. She tells her boyfriend she’s still a virgin; he gets scared and tries to dump her. A stranger tells him not to. Nine months later, she travels over 300 miles, and she goes into labor in a barn. The baby happens to possess the soul of God. If that happened to a friend of mine, it would freak me out. But now we eat pound cake, and buy cheap presents, and slash innocent trees to decorate our homes with their carcasses. Christmas is just

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